Apparently Intoxicated Man Took Dump on Homeowner’s Porch, Spread Crap Everywhere (VIDEO)

Dear readers, we have a confession. Law&Crime didn’t have the time to get you each separate presents for Christmas. Unfortunately, you all have to share this: Video of an apparently intoxicated man stumbling around, and taking a (heavily censored) dookie on a porch.

Homeowner Scott McCoy told KDVR that it happened early Saturday morning. He was off on a weekend skiing trip, so he wasn’t at his Denver residence when he began receiving notifications on his phone.

“You don’t know whether to laugh or cry,” he said. 41 doorbell videos caught an apparently intoxicated man stumbling around his porch, he said.

The footage is described like this: The man rang the doorbell right before 2 a.m. He attempted to break in. This individual then went to a corner of the porch, where he took a dump.

No, the situation didn’t end there. He allegedly stumbled about for the next several hours, spreading crap everywhere.

“Unfortunately, he then touches lots of furniture, other parts of the wall, and a window,” McCoy said. “That’s how we ended up with the current situation where there is excrement all over the porch.”

The incident resulted in a broken lock, and, um, crap everywhere.

McCoy said in the Monday report that they were waiting for police to write their report before he began cleaning the scene.

The man in the video remains unidentified. McCoy said he wanted an apology, and perhaps “an extra hand” in cleaning the porch.

All things considered, he seemed to be in a good enough mood to whip out a dad joke.

“Yeah, it was dumping in Vail, but we weren’t expecting it to be dumping on our front porch,” McCoy said, smiling.

Update – December 20, 2019, 3:53 p.m.: Denver police responded to a Law&Crime request for information on the matter.

“The case on Capitol Hill is still open and we ask if anyone knows anything about the suspect to please contact the Denver Police Department,” they wrote.

[Screengrab via Scott McCoy and KDVR]

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